Office Hour Thursday, 4:45 PM
*phone ringing*
*phone ringing*
Hello?
Dr., uh, um, E-nun, Ah-nown…
Dr. Anonymous.
Yeah, that’s right. This is Perpetua Pupil. I’m [one of the 150+ students] in your Tuesday-Thursday class.
Yes, Perpetua, what can I do for you?
Well, I heard, what I mean is, like, uh, was there a test last week?
Yes, the midterm…
K’aw, man! I think I missed it.
You think you missed it? I see. Were you there the day that the exam was distributed?
No, I mean I didn’t take it. I couldn’t find the room.
That’s odd. It was in the same room we’ve been meeting in for the last 7 weeks, and was during the scheduled class time.
Oh, right. No, it wasn’t, that, it’s, well, I didn’t know we were having a test.
Really? I’m surprised to hear that. The exam dates are on the syllabus, which I e-mailed to everyone as well as handed out and discussed on the first day of class. The syllabus has also been available from before the semester began at the course Web page and in Blackboard. I reminded everyone of the exam date on the first and last slides of my four lectures in the 2 weeks prior to the exam date. The entire class before the exam was a review session.
OK, uh, maybe I missed those days. I’ve had a lot of other stuff going on.
Um-hmm.
Well, uh, I was wondering, you know, what we can do about it?
‘We’? What ‘we’ can do about what?
The exam, I mean, the grade, you know.
Your exam grade is a 0. I don’t plan to do anything about your exam grade.
Yeah, I mean, can we do a make-up test?
Before we get to that, it may interest you to know that you also have 0s on all of the other assignments.
[One-one thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand...]
What other assignments?
The assigned assignments. The assignments. The assignments listed on the syllabus, in class, e-mailed, on the Web page, in Blackboard…
OMIGOD! Oh, no! How does that affect my grade?
It affects half of your grade, specifically the half which is now a 0.
A 0! For half my grade? Can I still pass?
Have you taken Dr. Deadpan’s ‘Basic Statistical Reasoning’ course? Remember the part about averages…
Oh, no, no! Should I drop?
I’m not going to advise you to drop or not. For that kind of advice, you should talk to…your advisor.
I really can’t drop. I already dropped two other classes and I have a scholarship. Oh, no, no!
Uh-huh…it certainly seems like you have quite a problem. If I were you, I’d be concerned.
Can I take the test today?
No, we’ve already reviewed it in class.
So, is there, uh, is there any way I could get some extra credit?
No. I don’t give extra credit, as it clearly states in the syllabus. Also, ‘extra’ credit is a misnomer since at this point you really have no credit at all, right?
What do you mean?
I mean that I don’t give extra credit. It’s not fair to the other students in the class, all of whom have been attending class, keeping up with assignments, and took the exam. I’m sure many of them would like to have scheduled the exam around their school and personal schedules for convenience, but that’s not the way it works.
I really don’t think they’d care that much.
Really? OK, I’ll give you 10 minutes at the beginning of class on Tuesday to explain your situation to them, and we’ll let them decide what I should do.
Oh. Uh, I think I need to talk to my advisor. Maybe I can get him to talk to you about this and explain my situation. He might be calling you.
That would be fine. Or, have him e-mail me. Actually, maybe I’ll e-mail him. Anything else I can do for you?
No, I don’t think so.
Goodbye, Perpetua. See you in class…
*click*
…next semester.
March 20, 2009 at 2:53 PM
Wait a minute: she’s in YOUR class, too?
Thank you: you made my day!
March 20, 2009 at 5:04 PM
What a great set of opening posts! I’ll be coming back regularly.
March 20, 2009 at 8:01 PM
her twin called me 15 minutes before the test to reschedule because she was eh *cough* *cough* sigh sniffle uhm not feeling well and didn’t want to infect anyone else *cough* sniffle.
March 20, 2009 at 8:44 PM
Thank God! The alternative is another one of her family members being diagnosed with cancer, being in a horrifiying accident, being pressed into piracy, or dying.
March 20, 2009 at 8:08 PM
I am now officially your newest and biggest fan.
That was hilarious. For the longest time I thought only the students at my undergrad MRU were like that.
March 20, 2009 at 8:46 PM
I believe that this person is enrolled in every undergraduate course in the United States.
Thanks!
March 22, 2009 at 2:43 AM
Hey not just the U.S. – they seem to be enrolled down here in Australia as well! Great blog by the way. Your life sounds a lot like mine…
March 20, 2009 at 9:26 PM
I’ve had this kid in class!!! Balls, he gets around!!!!
March 20, 2009 at 9:35 PM
Ping, Anonymous.
March 20, 2009 at 10:11 PM
Pingback, Goddess, ping, ping.
Your blog is now officially available for ‘Extra Credit’ in the Prof. Anonoymous blogroll—to correct a terrible oversight. And I will be availing myself of that extra credit on a regular basis. Your rum or mine?
March 20, 2009 at 10:06 PM
Dude, what the fucking fuck is up with this motherfucking light-text-on-dark-background shit? You trying to blind your fucking readers? Fix this shit.
March 21, 2009 at 10:34 AM
For those of you not versed in Fuckspeak, I believe this is a request is for a lighter background with darker text, which I have received from several others. I acquiesce. See Dress Code, posted today, and look for my new look later today.
March 20, 2009 at 10:17 PM
You delicious thing, I always provide the rum to the n00bs. I don’t know whether to add you to my harem or women Isis adores. You may need your own category.
March 20, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Poor Perpetua Pupil, proper planing prevents piss poor performance.
March 20, 2009 at 10:30 PM
I realize you’ll all hate me for this, but I’ve got the Lady-balls to write what I think!!!
Don’t you sympathize with poor Perpetua? Just a little?
I mean, I don’t know how it is in America, but over here (Germany, education beeing free and stuff
having a sholarship is really impressive. That means you must have really kicked ass at some point. So, I would have wanted to know what that stuff she’s been bussy with is. Maybe she needs counseling?
March 21, 2009 at 12:11 AM
I’ve been having that very same nightmare since the summer before High School.
March 21, 2009 at 7:58 AM
How on Earth did I not know about you???? This is absolutely classic, as has been other posts I have now read. Many thanks go to Isis for pointing out your blog to me. You are going on the distribution list to our department!
March 21, 2009 at 8:16 AM
Welcome! I’ll definitely stay tuned for some funny stuff.
And CPP, really, you don’t have to bring it out full-on for the new bloggers. But seriously, Prof. Anon, the first thing I thought when I came to your website was, ugh, light on dark, hard to read.
Even if you don’t fix it, I’ll read it anyway. Cheers!
March 21, 2009 at 9:44 AM
Very funny. Thank goodness, the exam didn’t kill her grandparents.
March 21, 2009 at 10:11 AM
Loved it! As one of the students who did attend class, and actually gave a shit, Perpetua always annoyed me! Love your site and wit!
March 21, 2009 at 10:23 AM
hahahahaha … she’s in all of our classes!
March 21, 2009 at 1:08 PM
Good job, dude! You’re going on the blogroll!
March 21, 2009 at 1:51 PM
A complete success! They all must migrate here to work with me after they graduate from school by some miracle of science and disney magic. Very enjoyable read.
March 22, 2009 at 2:18 PM
He He He… That was totally hilarious!
March 23, 2009 at 7:51 PM
Oh man, this is absolutely classic stuff! And boy, I’m glad I was never that student, even before I dropped out of uni.
March 22, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I think we’re all having the same life!